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Confidence

07 Mar

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Body languageCommunicationConfidence

What are you looking at?

March 7, 2013 | By |

lookingI’m often on the train. I actually enjoy train journeys simply because I get to indulge in one of my favourite past-times; people watching.

This week for example I have seen so many interesting interactions and exchanges taking place in train carriages and for the most part, I imagine those taking part, don’t even know how much of an audience they had.

Before I share some of my experiences with you, it’s wise to remember that next time you’re on the train, the innocuous looking woman in the corner seat, head buried studiously into a book, is NOT too engrossed in her novel to notice you. She is in fact, looking directly at you and soaking up every snippet of what you say and how you move!

Okay, somewhere near Birmingham I was in a seat with the back of another seat in front of me. Across on the diagonal was a table seat shared by a couple, sitting across from each other. I had my sunglasses on and rested my head against the window. I probably looked asleep; in fact, I might have nodded off if I hadn’t heard with woman hiss ‘I know you’re lying!’ I was drawn to the face of the man, who sat nicely in my eye line. ‘I’m not!’ he protested, panic etched on his forehead. He picked his mobile phone up with his right hand and passed it to his partner. ‘Check it, go on.’ He urged confidently.

looking2‘Well you weren’t with Pete!’ she asked, leaning forwards across the table. I assume she was scanning his face for clues. His eyebrows shot up and his forehead wrinkled. (This can be a sign of a liar caught in the act). He looked up to the right. ‘I was at work, I was going to meet Pete but I had to stay for a meeting, for God’s sake.’ Note this, right handed people usually look to the left to recall memories, and to the right when they are in the act of making something up.

I don’t believe you’, she spat, picked up her handbag and stormed through to another carriage. The man, looking, flustered and red faced, picked up his coat and followed her through seconds later. I want to shout after her ‘Trust your instincts, he IS lying!’ but of course I didn’t.

On another occasion travelling home I shared a carriage with two women, a blonde and a redhead and a lone male in a suit. They were probably all in their early twenties. I was sitting opposite the man, ostensibly gazing out of the window but I could see his face and more importantly I could see the reflection of the redhead in the train window. It was late.

The lone male glanced at the redhead and then the blonde, his eyes returned to the redhead and they stayed there almost as if his gaze would be invisible to them. I saw the redhead smile to the blonde and coyly look at the floor. The lone male averted his gaze, furrowed his brow in a slow, but apparently casual manner, appearing to look lost in intelligent, contemplative thought. He opened his legs wider and sat back in his seat and pushed his bottom forward, clearly attempting to accentuate his masculinity. The redhead crossed her legs and turned a little away from him while leaning back and keeping her arm from blocking her body. To be honest, she looked like she was trying to pose as a mermaid on a rock. No words were spoken in this exchange but without even thinking, these two were both communicating with each other without giving it a second’s conscious thought.

looking3Unfortunately, I reached my destination not long afterwards and I will never know if conservation was made, or numbers were swapped.

What I do know is, if you keep your eyes open you see much more going on around you than you realise.

28 Feb

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Body languageCommunicationConfidence

What do I do with my hands???

February 28, 2013 | By |

Okay, hold them up and take a good look. What have you got? If you’re lucky enough to have a complete pair, what impression do they give? Are they clean, free from the yellow tinge of nicotine on your ‘holding’ fingers or do they look like you have been rummaging through a wheelie bin?

People notice your hands. Of course I am not saying that you all need to rush out and get a pre-interview manicure. But if you’re not a boxer, an equestrian or a clown and are not going to be ‘gloved up’ it’s worth the trouble to ask yourself what your hands say about you.
When speaking in front of others, People often say to me “I don’t know what to do with my hands” Or “I hold onto the plectrum so I don’t talk too much with my hands”. Both of these statements I question.  Do you have trouble with your hands when you not doing public speaking?  Probably not.
The aim is to use your hands in a natural way that helps to get your message across (In the same way we do this in our everyday conversations) The more you concentrate on what to do with your hands the more you will worry and the more unnatural they can begin to feel.
You do need to be self-aware with what your hands are saying to people, (without giving yourself a hard time) because unnatural and wooden hand movements can undermine your entire speech. For example, letting them loll lifelessly by your sides says you’ve no conviction behind your words is not going to help get your message across. It also tells your audience you are uncomfortable in this setting and a novice at speech giving. You want your audience to believe in you, to relax and therefore be able to absorb what you’re saying without distraction.
On the flip side, punching the air like an Evangelist every time you utter a sentence will make you seem fake and cringe-worthy. People will be embarrassed for you and take your well- honed speech with a pinch of salt, however worthy it might be.
Finger pointing is seen as impolite and aggressive. Bill Clinton was told about pointing his finger too much, making everything seem aggressive, it was a habit he found hard to break, so his public speaking consultant told him to put his thumb over his finger, this took the aggressiveness away. He has told that if you want to gesture to your audience then use a sweep of your entire hand. Eventually through small steps Clinton stopped pointing altogether and became an excellent public speaker.
There is a term called Steepling, when a person’s palms face each other, with just the fingertips touching (Tony Blair is a great example of this in his early days). It’s known as a power move which portrays confidence and self-assuredness. Too much of it can be seen as arrogant so if you feel comfortable using it, be aware (Tony Blair is a great example of this in his later days).
If during a speech you put your hands on your heart, what you’re saying is ‘believe me, I mean it sincerely’, whether you do or not! If you put your hands in your pocket or behind your back, don’t be surprised if people wonder what you’re hiding. Having your hands in full view implies a desire to seen as open and honest.
If there are certain elements of your speech which you really want to have emphasis, use a palm-upwards, push-out of the hands, gesture. Open-handed gestures again imply transparency and a wish to be seen as authentic.
I can’t imagine anyone choosing to cross their arms during a speech but if it isn’t obvious, it’s a huge no-no. It spews negatives. ‘I’m bored’ ‘I’m defensive’ ‘I am hiding something’. Your hands can draw people in, they can humanise you. Even if the nature of your speech is very formal, its credibility and believability is quite literally, in your hands.

For more information about public speaking and presentation skills go to www.surespeech.co.uk

04 Feb

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CommunicationConfidenceFirst Impressions

Preparing for a Speech

February 4, 2013 | By |

Be prepared. 
 
It is common sense that having a good night’s sleep is the basis for feeling fresh and energetic for the day of your speech. Don’t drink the night before (not even a cheeky one to settle the nerves!). At worst you will feel horribly hung-over, at best, sluggish and slow. Make sure your outfit is clean, ironed and hanging up the night before. Rushing around first thing, trying to make snap decisions about what to wear will only make you nervous. I wouldn’t recommend wearing new shoes as they are never that comfy to begin with. You need to be focusing on your speech not on your aching feet!

Have a decent breakfast, preferably something healthy like wholemeal toast and a banana. This fuel will not only keep your blood sugar stable, it will help your mind remain clear and sharp. If your speech is after lunch, make your lunchtime food choices with these thoughts in mind. Drink plenty of water. Being properly hydrated is crucial.

If your speech is during a lunch or dinner, it goes without saying to steer clear of alcohol until after your speech. You don’t need ‘Dutch courage’ you need a clear head!

Decide how many times you want to go over your speech and stick to it. Work should have been done by now so trust yourself. Don’t go over and over your speech, making last minute changes or picking out imperfections. However, go over the beginning part of the speech as this is when you will feel the most nervous. Once your speech gets going it will almost unfold by itself. Trust that.

Arrive in plenty of time. Make sure you have back up if using PowerPoint or other presentation tools which have the potential to fail. If you can see the venue beforehand – great. If you can rehearse in the space beforehand, even better. Take advantage. If you are dealing with microphones, don’t be afraid to ask the sound person for help.

If you have a chance to meet your audience beforehand, do so. Shake hands, introduce yourself and smile. Having made that connection will give you a feeling of rapport with your audience. DON’T tell anyone you are nervous or that you hate giving speeches. Stand tall and believe in yourself. If you do, your audience will believe in you. Remember they are only human beings!

If you are sitting on stage, following another speaker, remember you are on view the entire time. Look interested, sit up straight and smile at times. Also breathe! Deep breaths will help you feel calmer and help you become more grounded. I have heard people advise to take a deep breath in and then begin. Don’t, this actually adds to your anxiety. Try this: Breathe out, then speak.

Don’t aim to be perfect. Simply aim to get your message across to your audience. Remember you need to be heard. Speak slowly, clearly and loudly enough. Smile and look around the room, engage your audience with plenty of eye contact.

There will always be a degree of nerves and adrenalin but don’t fear them, they are your friend. They will keep you aware, alert and determined.  There’s that age old tip to imagine the audience without any clothes on. To be honest I’ve never tried it myself, but you never know!


Remember – be yourself. I know I seem to say this a lot but it is so true. People have come to listen to YOU. You never know you might even enjoy it!

For more information about public speaking go to www.surespeech.co.uk

21 Jan

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Body languageCommunicationConfidence

Beat the Competition to the Job!

January 21, 2013 | By |

So, congratulations – you’ve made it to interview stage. Your application form and C.V. have already done a sterling job. However, it’s a buyer’s market. Don’t be the bruised apple hidden in the bargain bin, be the huge, ripe, eye-catching tomato in the front row. 
Finding work is particularly tough in the current climate. More and more candidates are battling for the same job. Here are a few tips which could help improve your chances.
Put yourself in the shoes of your potential employer. Who would you want to take on?
1.    Someone punctual, reliable and looking the part.
It goes without saying that you shouldn’t be late but arrive with time to sit, relax and compose yourself. Turn up looking harassed and edgy and you’ll be marked down before you even start.
Covered in a recent blog (‘Dress to Impress’), I cannot emphasise enough how big an opportunity this is to mark yourself out from the crowd. You should look scrupulously clean and well groomed. Your choice of clothes should look neat, tidy and well put together. Everything about your appearance will speak volumes during your interview. Imagine you have a great skill base and excellent references but you are one of TWO final candidates to be chosen from. If the other candidate is evenly matched with you then things like your appearance could be the clincher. You don’t have to be a supermodel, just someone who can make ‘smart/chic’ look effortless. (ANYONE can with a little effort)
2.    Someone who looks like they mean it.
Body Language is such a powerful tool. Some hiring managers claim they can spot a possible candidate for a job within 30 seconds or less, and while a lot of that has to do with the way you look, it’s also in your body language. Your interviewer/s will be processing things from your posture to your level of eye contact without them even realising it at the time.
Sit up straight and slightly forward. It says you’re taking this seriously and you are seriously interested in the job. Be aware of moving your feet up and down repeatedly in a nervous manner – it’s a sign of boredom, even if you don’t mean it to be.
Smile. It’s an ice-breaker. It’s a way of showing warmth and friendliness. However serious the role, everyone wants to see the human-being they are going to employ.
Be yourself – no point pretending to be someone you aren’t. However what you SHOULD do is have a sure idea of your skills and strengths and practise articulating them.
If you have more than one person interviewing you at once, make sure you briefly address all the people with your gaze and return your attention to the person who has asked you a question.
Your physical gestures should be open and expressive. You want to try to involve the interviewer in what you are saying – remember it is a conversation, not a monologue. Keep palms up and open to suggest honesty, and avoid pointing or banging fists on the table to emphasise a point.
3.    Someone who sounds like they mean it.
The content of the responses is extremely important but the tone and pace of voice is just as important. Your tone of voice sets the atmosphere during an interview. It projects your inner confidence, your authority and the ability to cope.
If you are nervous, often the pitch of your voice can rise.  Take deep breaths when you are not speaking, in through your nose and out through the mouth. This will help calm your nerves and keep your voice grounded.
Be aware of your voice – is it matching your message? If you are excited, allow this emotion through your voice, otherwise people will not believe your words.  
Remember to speak up, don’t mumble and if you stumble over your words, slow down. Use pauses as they are much more powerful than filling the silences with erms!! 
4.    Someone who knows what they’re talking about.
Do your research. CEO’s often tell me that interviewee’s do not know enough about the company they are applying to..Find out as much as you can about the company such as relevant facts and figures. You can then use that information to explain how you can be an asset in your potential role. Not only will it impress, you will feel much more confident about answering questions. At the end of the interview you are likely to get asked the question “do you have any questions for me?” – always have at least one and this is where researching the organisation prior to the interview comes in handy.
5.    Someone who copes well under pressure.
Interviews are stressful. However, with a little practice and the right mind-set you can appear cool and relaxed. Remember, it’s only a job. The people interviewing you are only human too, with their own sets of challenges and real life issues. Use the nerves to your advantage – it can give you that spark and if they are under control it can give your voice more energy giving you more presence.
If you don’t get the job, then you are taking the experience of that particular interview onto the next one. What worked, what didn’t? Nothing is wasted.
For more information about interview technique and presentation skills go to www.surespeech.co.uk

03 Jan

By

ConfidenceFirst ImpressionsPresentation Skills

Dress to Impress

January 3, 2013 | By |

Don’t judge a book by its cover…

Well maybe we shouldn’t but we all do. It’s natural, when we meet someone, our primal instinct kicks in ensuring we assess people for any hint of imminent danger. Whether we’re aware of it or not our eyes see it all and we can make quite instant impressions based on a ton of information being processed unconsciously.

Those times we ‘just get a funny feeling’ about someone is usually because certain indicators we are not consciously aware of are setting off alarm bells in our brains, reminding us to keep the barriers up until we get more information. Maybe once you get to know the person, you realise your concerns were groundless but sometimes you realise you were right all along. However it turns out, what it means, is there was something about the way this person looked or behaved which felt wrong.  YOU have the power of your own first impression. Before you even get to utter your opening words, you are being sussed out. While your physical presentation is only one part of the ‘performance’ it can be immensely beneficial to know how to optimise it and why.

When people use the word POWER dressing, for me in conjures up images of women in bright red jackets with Eighties style shoulder pads. Somehow it doesn’t seem so current. However, how you dress DOES determine how powerful you FEEL, how powerfully you BEHAVE and how powerful you APPEAR. This doesn’t have to translate into something domineering or overbearing. It simply means a sense of rightful confidence that emanates out to the audience.

Dressing powerfully – what does it do? 

  1. Makes you feel confident. It’s also a costume for a role you are undertaking and a reminder of being in character – that character of a brilliantly confident speech giver!

  2. It lets your audience know you are taking yourself and THEM seriously, that they are worthy of the effort. They will be more likely to return the favour and take YOU seriously.

  3. Someone who looks suave/chic/well -presented immediately looks competent and capable. Competent and capable looking people inspire faith and trust. It gives added credence to the things you say.

Dressing powerfully – how to do it? 

  1. As obvious as this might seem, it begins at the most basic level. Good hygiene. Even if you are on a stage away from your audience, poor preparation will eat away at your confidence. Be clean, fresh, and well groomed. Look at you hair. Does it say neat, tidy and organised, or does it say too busy/lazy to do much with it? Ask yourself how you want to be perceived and your answers will tell you what you need to do.

  2. Know your audience. You don’t have to wear a suit to dress powerfully. If you are speaking to a group of teenagers then in order to engage them they need to relate to you. While I don’t suggest wearing low hanging jeans and trainers, find a middle-ground. You need them to take you seriously without alienating them.

  3. Know what works for you. There is no point feeling trussed up like a Christmas turkey. However important your speech might be, you need to feel comfortable to deliver it effectively. Go window shopping, try on different outfits, take photos in the changing room mirror and seek opinions from friends whose style you admire.

Next time you see Barrack Obama making a speech, imagine him unshaven, in a pair of baggy, threadbare pyjama bottoms and a faded T shirt with sweat patches at the arm pits. This man runs America! Makes you realise how just how powerful a suit can be….

For more information about public speaking and presentation skills go to www.surespeech.co.uk